Past Passed.
It's easy to forget. And hard. When memories are entrenched with people you see all the time, you can't forget. When you cut the people away, it's easy.
The phenomenon of social networking sites like Facebook make keeping in touch with friends near and far easy and pleasant. Sometimes you get a friend request from someone who you went to high school with, they're friends with a handful of people you are friends with and you have literally zero idea of who they are. I have a few "friends" that I don't know. No clue.
It's easy to fuzzy up your past when no one from your past is there to correct it. I never lie about my past to my friends. Ever. I omit, absolutely. I don't talk to my colleagues about doing drugs or dropping out of high school (I have a GED, go figure). Someone whom I see on a regular basis told me the other day that she just assumed I had my MBA because of my position at work. Nope. Not even close. I'm one of those anomalies: I have made it quite far in the business world merely on my smarts, my experience and my ability to work around pretty much anything. Including my lack of formal education.
Last year, the beginning of 2008, I made a promise to myself (not a resolution to be sure) that I would reach out to at least 3 people from my past who are generally good people. I made it through two - one I have a friendship with again, including a few visits here and there, and when I got to the third, a former very good friend that just dropped off the face of the earth, I decided against doing anything more than sending a holiday card. I reached out, and that was as far as I wanted my reach to go.
I am perplexed by the amount of people that have contacted me since the Facebook thing started. I had this holier-than-thou typical early-mid 20's-Layla bullshit attitude that if I wanted to keep in touch with people from high school, I would have stayed in touch. Now, while I don't necessarily remember everyone (see above re: drugs) that I see, I know that I am 100% different than I was then, shit, even than I was 5 years ago (thanks therapy!). I can only imagine that even the people whom I knew then are in the same boat. I give them all that benefit of the doubt. I really hope they give me that too.
I randomly met this girl about 5 or so years ago while I lived in CA, she lives in NY, grew up in Westchester. She went to college with a ton of people from my hometown. We're connected very closely. I felt the need to tell her and another person who knows a lot of my old classmates about my past. I was a bully, a shithead; I was mean and cruel to a lot of people. Yes, most of it can now be easily dissected by anyone who took Psych 101, but the fact is I led that life. I did things that make me cringe now.
I was recently hosting a dinner party that my younger brother was at. Someone who is a mutual friend here in Texas said to me, "I can't imagine you doing anything mean or 'bad'". My brother almost fell off his chair. When I see people from the past, I want to say "I'm different! I've worked hard!" That's all bullshit, of course. The proof is in the pudding, right? I know a lot of the things I do, volunteering or being extra nice to people, it's all my way of trying to make amends for things I've done. But I suppose if I still feel the need to do that, then I'm not all healed up.
I want nothing more than to look back at my life and see that I was a good person. That I never did things out of malice or jealousy or anger. I can't though. I can say now though, that I've tried hard to make sure that once I realized how I made people feel I did everything I could to change. I can say that, at least.