February 05, 2009

Past Passed.

It's easy to forget. And hard. When memories are entrenched with people you see all the time, you can't forget. When you cut the people away, it's easy.

The phenomenon of social networking sites like Facebook make keeping in touch with friends near and far easy and pleasant. Sometimes you get a friend request from someone who you went to high school with, they're friends with a handful of people you are friends with and you have literally zero idea of who they are. I have a few "friends" that I don't know. No clue.

It's easy to fuzzy up your past when no one from your past is there to correct it. I never lie about my past to my friends. Ever. I omit, absolutely. I don't talk to my colleagues about doing drugs or dropping out of high school (I have a GED, go figure). Someone whom I see on a regular basis told me the other day that she just assumed I had my MBA because of my position at work. Nope. Not even close. I'm one of those anomalies: I have made it quite far in the business world merely on my smarts, my experience and my ability to work around pretty much anything. Including my lack of formal education.

Last year, the beginning of 2008, I made a promise to myself (not a resolution to be sure) that I would reach out to at least 3 people from my past who are generally good people. I made it through two - one I have a friendship with again, including a few visits here and there, and when I got to the third, a former very good friend that just dropped off the face of the earth, I decided against doing anything more than sending a holiday card. I reached out, and that was as far as I wanted my reach to go.

I am perplexed by the amount of people that have contacted me since the Facebook thing started. I had this holier-than-thou typical early-mid 20's-Layla bullshit attitude that if I wanted to keep in touch with people from high school, I would have stayed in touch. Now, while I don't necessarily remember everyone (see above re: drugs) that I see, I know that I am 100% different than I was then, shit, even than I was 5 years ago (thanks therapy!). I can only imagine that even the people whom I knew then are in the same boat. I give them all that benefit of the doubt. I really hope they give me that too.

I randomly met this girl about 5 or so years ago while I lived in CA, she lives in NY, grew up in Westchester. She went to college with a ton of people from my hometown. We're connected very closely. I felt the need to tell her and another person who knows a lot of my old classmates about my past. I was a bully, a shithead; I was mean and cruel to a lot of people. Yes, most of it can now be easily dissected by anyone who took Psych 101, but the fact is I led that life. I did things that make me cringe now.

I was recently hosting a dinner party that my younger brother was at. Someone who is a mutual friend here in Texas said to me, "I can't imagine you doing anything mean or 'bad'". My brother almost fell off his chair. When I see people from the past, I want to say "I'm different! I've worked hard!" That's all bullshit, of course. The proof is in the pudding, right? I know a lot of the things I do, volunteering or being extra nice to people, it's all my way of trying to make amends for things I've done. But I suppose if I still feel the need to do that, then I'm not all healed up.

I want nothing more than to look back at my life and see that I was a good person. That I never did things out of malice or jealousy or anger. I can't though. I can say now though, that I've tried hard to make sure that once I realized how I made people feel I did everything I could to change. I can say that, at least.

January 20, 2009

The End of an Error

Today, I would to post something articulate and poignant, in honor of our eloquent and brilliant new president.

But I won't. Instead, I'll what's really on my mind.

YEAH! FUCKING YEAH! That asshole piece of shit mother fucking cockface lying fucktard is gone! And his puppy eating, kitten stomping, santa murdering shithead VP too! Fuck them both, fuck Condi, fuck Rummy, fuck Alberto Gonzales, fuck Dana Perino, fuck Karl Rove...fuck them ALL. Good fucking riddance, and thanks for fucking up our country, assholes.

God bless Obama!

November 14, 2008

Judger

I do a lot of research. For everything from buying a vacuum to places to have dinner when we're on vacation. M pretty much defers to my judgment for most things like this because of the obscene amount of info I'll collect on any given subject.

When I got pregnant I did a lot of research. M and I talked over quite a bit of stuff, made some decisions based on info we gathered from good sources like doctors, studies, other parents, doulas, and articles in well-regarded publications. I was not one to jump on the "No Vaccinations!" band wagon because I had heard of the link of the MMR vaccines and autism. I found that the theory was thoroughly and unequivocally debunked. I know that the benefits outweigh the risks. I also feel that it's up to parents to make these hard decisions for their kids. I also know that most people DON'T do a lot of research. People buy into scare tactics fairly easily.

When a study came out from Cornell University that showed a very good link between autism and TV watching under 3 years, it didn't get nearly the swarm of support that the MMR link did. It's easy to not vaccinate, it's not something you deal with every day. It's not easy to not watch TV. So when M and I made the decision to not expose Josie to television for the first two years, it was received with various responses. Mostly from people, like my father and father-in-law, who did choose to expose their kids to TV. However, TV in the 70's for kids is much, much different than it is now. We're not talking Mr. Roger and Sesame Street, but full 24 hour cable channels devoted to infants and toddlers. The AAP says no TV until 2. They say no solids till 6 months. They say to breastfeed for a year. I can't tell you how much crap people give me for following these very basic, very simple guidelines.

People seem genuinely shocked when I say I plan to breastfeed for a year. "What about when she gets teeth?" they ask. She has teeth. And we're learning to work around it. It's hard. So is everything. I don't get why choosing to work hard at something is considered silly. Formula is easy, yes. So is TV when trying to occupy the time of a baby. Maybe it's that it took us a lot of time to get pregnant, but I don't WANT to occupy her time with TV. I want to occupy it with us. With walks, with play, with singing.

So, does that mean that people who do allow their kids to watch TV or who chose not to breastfeed are bad parents? Hell no. I have good friends that truly tried so hard to breastfeed but couldn't for some medical reason. Some people just can't. Some people don't want to. I know some moms that had PPD so severely that their babies pediatricians recommended to stop breastfeeding. It's not the same for everyone, and if there's one thing I learned through this is to never judge the way someone else does things. I sure wish people would afford us the same courtesy.

November 04, 2008

Dear Josie,

My sweet little girl, I hope one day you can appreciate what has happened tonight.

You are so lucky to be here for this. We all are.

Love,

Momma

P.S. Congratulations President-Elect Obama. You earned this.

October 27, 2008

Vote or Die

"Since when is the Republican Party the party of the stupid?" This was a question posed to me by a co-worker recently. "Well, since always," was my immediate thought. I can get away with that around him, being a mid-westerner who broke free to live on the coasts for most of his adult life. Sometimes Dallas gets a pile of folks who just wound up here. When you ask them if they ever thought they'd wind up in Texas they usually respond with a resounding "Hell no!"

There are times when I forget where I am. I think, "This guy is smart. No way is he a republican." Or, "This lady is really together. She must be a democrat." But that's not really the case here in Texas. While I truly believe that this state can go either way in the election, when you get to Plano or North Dallas or pretty much anywhere other than my neighborhood you are in McCainland. Bushville, though they're loathe to admit that now.

When I hear that people are undecided about whom to vote for, I want to get in my car, drive to their house and let the air out of their tires on election day. Because if you don't know who to vote for at this date, after 2 grueling years of campaigning, years of war, a global financial crisis, multiple natural disasters, indictments, and genocides being committed around the world, stay the fuck home. We don't need your uninformed, utterly retarded view on the world. Seriously now. It's not that hard.

I'm not going to list the reasons to vote for Obama. I just think of it this way: Republicans care about money. Democrats care about people. Sure, there's a lot more going on there, but that always seemed to be the gist of it all.

So, regardless of the direction you cast your vote next week, cast it. Do your homework, and vote.

Yes to Barack Obama (who was born here, loves America, and is NOT a Muslim)
NO on Prop. 8 for all my Cali peeps!