Bend over baby while I peg you with this cake topper...
Pop Quiz: Guess which of these are legal in Texas?
1. Dildos
2. Vibrators
3. Cock Rings
4. Strap Ons
5. Assault Weapons
If you guessed 5, you're correctamundo. The state of Texas has an archaic law on the books banning the use, sale or promotion of "a device designed and marketed as useful for stimulations of the human genital organs." according to Section 43.21 of the Texas Penal Code.
For me, stimulation is in the eye of the beholder, really. If I wiped after I pee in a certain way, I can feel stimulated. There go my TP rights. When I was just a little girl (maybe 12, so not that little), I found out that my new electric shaver can be disassembled and was really just this white plastic thing that vibrated. Let me tell you that my allowance for that entire year went to batteries.
For the most part, vibrators and dildo are used by women. Not to say that there aren't a few (damn) good men who enjoy sharing the toys with their partners (those tongue muscles get tired!), but all in all, tons of women can't get off without a little help. In come the toys. There are many ways that the government (read: old white men) try to control the bodies of the women they govern. Here is one of them. The government is saying that the Hitachi Back Massager that you bought for that, wait a second while I laugh to myself, awful knot in your back, can't be used for that delicious knot in your front. Orgasming woman are dangerous. First, they're cumming, next thing you know, they'll want to vote too!
So JoAnn Webb, a purveyor of smut, according to the Lone Star State, is being charged with selling and promoting these dirty little things. She hosts what is known as "Passion Parties", these little Tupperware-like get-togethers for the suburban housewife looking to spice up the bedroom. We're not talking swingers, or orgies here. No women looking to take their riding crop home to shove up their husbands ass while he licks her boots and hangs weights from his balls. These are women who haven't come since their 4th kid, who have husbands who if they're not banging their secretaries haven't touched them since they can't drop that last 25 lbs.
Silly Texans. They call my dildo a "cake topper".