Layla's Dark and Foreboding Weblog

Let me start this little "Let's feel sorry for Layla" routine with me saying *I know you can't make comments on my site. It doesn't work for some reason, and I don't know how to fix it. If you want to comment, email me and we'll chat, k?*

So here are some really crappy things that are going on in my world right now. Most of them aren't happening to me, per se, but to my loved ones.

-My Grandma died on Sunday. This was expected, as she was turning 91 this year (or 92 if you listen to my father, who sent her Happy 90th B-day flowers on her 89th birthday). This also means that I'll be going to New York for the 2nd time in a month, but at least I'll see my brothers. My grandmother, you may want to know, was not your typical old biddy. My guilt over not seeing her since my wedding (1999) is almost alleviated by the fact that I can always remember her as the spunky, adorable, borderline mentally ill woman I love. My family has issues, what family doesn't? But it has become apparent to me that my picture of my grandma is vastly different than the one held by my cousins. It seems that after I was born (the youngest of three) my Grandmother was all out of love. She used the last of it on me, and completely neglected my cousins. Who knew?

So, without spilling all my family secrets (on this post at least), it seems that each of us had a very different relationship with my grandma. My brothers and I will agree, I think, that grandma was the best. She always loved us, hugged us, cooked for us, bought us stuff, pretty much did all the good grandma stuff. And we'll always miss her. She gave us memories that I'll cherish forever, like the time me and J were in the backseat of her car driving with her and my grandpa, and J told me to look closely at the end of the umbrella. He, of course, pushed the button, nearly blinding me, but oh! The fun! And the time that we took out Grandpa's golf cart, and J spent the whole time perfecting hairpin turns to knock me out while doing what seemed (at age 7) to be 60MPH, but was more like 10MPH. Good times...

-Someone very close to me was diagnosed with cancer. We've been waiting every day for the past two weeks for an idea of what kind of cancer it is, what the treatment will be, etc. It's excruciating. I am completely fucked up over this, so I can only imagine what it's like for her. Luckily, she has an amazing support network of friends and family lining up to lend a hand, so that's a really good start.

-M is completely on edge. He's having stressful work issues, family issues, etc. I want to whisk him away to our place in Monte Carlo, but the jet is being fixed, so it's gonna have to wait until the winter. If we decide against Aspen, of course.

He has been subsidizing our posh lifestyle since I've moved here. I can mostly pay my bills and rent and whatnot, but not a goddamn month goes by that something doesn't come up and fuck up everything. Cars or emergency trips or whatever. So it's stressing him out that I make no money, bitch constantly, fall into deep i-miss-san-francisco depressions, gain weight (that doesn't make him stressed, but my incessant complaining about it does), and have no friends other than him (and no desire to make any). But does the crazy bastard stop loving me? No! Or, I really really hope not...

-I failed my first test at school. Failed with a capital Idiot. Me. The biggest know-it-all on earth. Turns out that not only do I not know it all: I know very, very little. Crap.

-I'm too fat for my fat clothes. This needs no description.

Random observation:

-My brothers are all so f'in funny. T is hysterical. J is really funny in a goofy sort of way. Actually, T & J are very similar in their funnyness. A is completely cynical and sarcastic and can make you feel really, really stupid sometimes, but not in a bad way. And they're all so confident, even A, who can't make a fucking decision to save his life. Anyone who can play with Magic cards at 21 years old has to be pretty secure in the fact that this is the dorky life he has, so he's gotta love it. Come to think of it, all of my brothers are dorks. T and J are just as dorky, but about different things. Hmmmm. I'd really like to see what happens to A when he gets his first serious girlfriend. Hopefully he won't wuss out the way T did for a piece of ass(sorry if you're reading this T, but come on...).

Anypoo...