Just you sit right there...and click
Do you know how many wars have been avoided because you signed an online petition?
Do you have any clue as to how many Afghan women are now free because you signed that Jay Leno petition?
Can you imagine how much money Bill Gates has given away because you forwarded that chain letter?
Could you believe it when you read Robin Williams' plan for national security? What a dick!
Isn't it amazing that Wal-Mart/Target/Microsoft/Starbucks is gonna donate $1 for every time you forward that photo of that abducted kid Savannah/Troy/Billy/Shayne?
Can you believe that Al Gore invented the internet?
Or that Tommy Hillfiger said he would rather he never got into fashion had he known "niggers would wear my stuff". And Lauren Hill said she'd rather see her children dead than have white people buy her music?
If you believe any of the above, you're what is now known in America as an "idiot". These are urban legends, passed from idiot to idiot via email. Every goddamn day my father emails me dozens of these. I tell him not to. He does it again.
I say to people who send me these stupid chain letters, or jokes, or warnings about how I'm gonna get raped if I go to Burger King between 6:15 and 6:19 on the 2nd Monday after a full moon, I say "Dude. I've had email since 1995. That's about 10 years. I rely on it more than my phone. More than the news, more than my TV. It is my lifeline to the outside world. There is a chance, a really, really big chance, that I've seen what it is you're sending me no less than 50 times. Stop it."
The worst thing is when it's being sent to like 60 people, someone inevitably adds me to their address book and therefore to the next idiotic fucking message list.
I find it hilarious that people sign these petitions like "Oh, I don't need to volunteer or give back to my community. I was number 11,284 on the online petition that I freely put my name and address on to which will likely get into the hands of a mass murderer/serial killer at some point. So, I'm all set thanks!"
I just can't figure out why smart people can't see that these things are hoaxes. I mean, don't bells go off? Why on earth would anyone give out money for no reason? Has this EVER happened to you? Ever? How can people think that Tommy Hillfiger or Lauren Hill would say something like this and it wouldn't get on the news? Only idiots with email happened to get that exclusive story?
Jesus fucking Christ.
BTW, I'm in a pissy mood, if you can't tell. I was laid off today, the day they were supposed to make my employment permanent. Merry motherfucking Christmas. No rent, no car payment, no insurance, no gifts. Surely no Christmas bonus. Hi-dee-ho!