Layla's Dark and Foreboding Weblog

It's weird how you can plan out your life, or set goals to achieve by a certain time, like a 5-year plan, and how they almost never come to fruition. But, really, how important are these goals? Are they supposed to be set in stone to achieve maximum goal-reachedness, or can you tinker with them? For example, if you say I want to write a novel in three years, and you wind up just writing one really great short story rather than a crappy novel, I think that's much better, no?

Why am I all of a sudden so concerned with goals? Why? Because I'm turning 30 on August 3rd, that's why.

I'm not - in any sense - someone to fret over age. Growing older is actually more exciting than anything right now. I have so much to look forward to by growing older. Marriage, children, the next presidential election (big ups to my forefathers for that whole "two-term only" thing), being able to blame my weight on my age, etc. I just feel like I should feel bad about it. Everyone despises turning 30. But not me, surprisingly, because I pretty much despise everything. Maybe it's the fact that most people I associate with are in their 50's and 60's that 30 doesn't seem so bad. It's nice though. I'm looking forward to it.

Now that my birthday is looming though, I've decided to set up some short term goals for myself, and post them here so I'll have a bit of accountability at least.

10 things I'd like to do in the next 12 months:

1. Get married (that's pretty much a no-brainer though).
2. Buy a house. (this one *might* be a bit tougher, considering our down payment fund consists of a torn dollar, $18 in change, sock lint and a button. but we're working on it.).
3. Get knocked up. (mmmm....babies).
4. Not achieve #3 until after achieving #1 (here's crossing our fingers. my bridal consultant already told me I have another 10 pounds to go before fitting in my dress as is).
5. Start school again. (I'm taking the 15 year route to my BA).
6. Write a fucking insanely good short story.
7. Talk to my brother about writing a screenplay with him (hint-hint).
8. Wear a bikini without causing nausea and/or blindness (dude, i work out like a mo-fo, eat NOTHING bad, and just bought a bike to work out on the days that i'm not with my trainer. if i don't lose substantial weight soon, i'm gonna freak. yeah, sure, everyone says that my face is thinner, and i do have some pretty rad muscles now, but FUCK! I DESERVE TO LOSE WEIGHT, DAMMIT. I QUIT DRINKING!!! ME! NOT DRINKING! HellllllOOOOO!!!???).
9. To boost my self-image (see above.).
10. To read one really long winded book that is considered a classic, like War & Peace or something like that.

So that's it. Not too hard, right? The weight loss thing is a biggie for me, because it's the first thing in my life that I've really stuck to. I'm eating a diet that almost everyone in my life finds inconceivably annoying, and other than my one "cheat day" per week, I'm the most boring person on earth. Turns out that almost all of the things that I enjoy in life have to do with food, booze or sex. Well, the food and booze is out, and M is out of town six days a week...so, well, let's just say that I'm not the *most* fun person to be around right now.

Oh, and lastly, I thought I would reveal once again that after a year of living in Texas that I really like this place. I'm hoping that in the next couple of years (maybe a five year goal?) that we'll move south to Austin, but, I really like living here. I had no business living in a city like San Francisco, honestly. My job was fine, but I would never get paid enough that it would ever allow me to live well. I dunno. Maybe since M's mom got sick, and I got engaged and got a good job that my priorities have shifted a bit. But I'm now the one woman welcome wagon for liberals here. Everyone, come on down! Pshaw, people moving from the "red states". How is that going to change anything? Take 'em down from the inside! Anyway, I never thought it could happen, but I really, really enjoy living here. Thank friggin' god, right?