Some tips for everyone.
I have a few things I'd like to say to people. Some may pertain to you, others may not. Here we go:
- Don't kill Amish people. Just don't. Well, don't kill people at all, but the Amish? Why the fucking Amish? And why little girls? Sweet Jebediah, really.
-- For blog spammers: I have a filter on my comments. That means that I need to approve each comment that comes in. I'm sure that your title "You're posts are amazing!" was meant to be sufficiently ego-stroking that I wouldn't notice the "g3t ho77 d0g s3xx" or "p3n1s 3nlrger" text that was the meat (uh..sorry) of the post. I'm not that egotistical.
- Stop shooting up schools. See Amish post above. But, this also goes a little further. If you're 14 and full of hate and rage and angst, direct it somewhere else. Believe it or not, high school will end soon, and this will all be over. Get some help. We were all there, even the less dorky of us. Think beyond your teeny little life for a moment. You're just as selfish as those you profess to cleanse.
- Hey, GOP guy! Are you that fucking stupid that you thought the best course of action to get your pedophilic ass off would be to IM a TEENAGER? I'm not even going to tell you all the reasons that was stupid. But I will tell you that your whole "I'm gay!" "I'm a drunk!" "I'm a republican!" "I have scurvy!" excuse routine while saying "I make no excuses" is really, really bad. You're a pathetic man. And now, you're fucked.
- Guy on NPR yesterday who made the statement that "Homosexuals are by nature pre-occupied with sex", can you shoot me an email with your name? I missed the first part of the interview, and I didn't catch it. I have to remember who to hate for future blog posts.
- Here's a tip for renters: I'm currently contracting at a property management company. Here's a question I get often: "My lease says my rent is due on or before the 1st. When is it due? I mean, the first falls on a Sunday." To which I say, "It's due on or before the 1st." And they inevitably say, "But the first is on a Sunday." And I answer, "It's due on or before the first. If the first falls on a Sunday or holiday, then it needs to be here before then in order to avoid a late fee." They then throw back at me, "So, if I bring it in on the 2nd, is it late?" My advice: Don't pay your rent late, idiot. Use the mail. Post date a check. Use on-line banking. And to the lady who was angry that we wouldn't rent to her because the rent would be 60% of her income: Are you kidding me? Would YOU rent to YOU? Sheesh.
- Take the "W in 2004" off of your SUV. It's more pathetic than my Kerry 2004 sticker, and my guy lost. It's especially pathetic at the gas pump, where my car costs $23 to fill up and yours costs $60. Who really won, buddy?
- To people sending me your resumes: If the ad asks for someone with strong attention to detail, and then asks for simple things regarding resume submission and you DON'T do them, it doesn't look good. I asked you for a cover letter and salary requirements. "Attached is resume" is not a cover letter, nor is it a complete sentence. Your attention to detail isn't coming across so well.
- To my massage therapist from yesterday: I was so looking forward to that massage. I jacked my neck up bad. I've been over-extending myself trying to do the work of 3 people, plus be a rock star wife, and really, really needed some relaxation. Why, oh why, dear massage therapist, did you find it necessary to talk through the ENTIRE hour? I don't want to TALK! I want to drool! I want to feel like I'm floating! And when I made the horrendous on-table faux pas of using the word MASSUESE (not even talking about you!), did you feel it necessary to CORRECT ME once I relaxed again? Well, fuck that. My neck still hurts, but not as much as the bruises you've left me with. Yeah, I know you're small-yet-strong. I got it! But, thanks for leaving the marks to prove it.
Just had to vent, thanks.