Layla's Dark and Foreboding Weblog

I left my damn book in Ireland. I realized after I had gone through security in Dublin that the book I am reading is sitting on my nephews nightstand, dog-eared at page 193 of 700. Man was I pissed. So, despite the fact that I had tons of entertainment for the plane: my laptop with Battlestar Galactica, Entourage and a few movies on DVD, my iPod, the script to work on, I needed a book. So, I bought a book that I thought would be light and fluffy airplane material. These are the times where I normally read Nicholas Sparks books. Usually under 300 pages, I can knock them out in the first few hours of flying. But I fly a lot, more than Sparks writes, so the only thing I saw to buy was James Patterson's newest Alex Cross book, Cross.

Let me begin with: I am not a James Patterson fan. M loves him, as do his father and sister. I've read a few of them, but mostly liked them for their audio book-ness. You don't need to pay much attention, and if you have an hour long commute each way to Denton as I did a few years ago, they make great fluff.

I plan on sending the book back to the publisher. A bad book is a bad book. You read bad books in life, it's just par for the course. But this was hands down the most offensive shit on earth. Let's forget that the story sucked (it did). I'm talking about a new trend in mind-numbing fiction: product placement.

Alex Cross committed the following sins in this book, and if you haven't read it, these won't give anything away (except that you now know that the book sucks):

Alex buys a car: “So we stopped at the Mercedes dealer…Jannie and Damon ogled a silver CLK500 Cabriolet convertible, while Ali and I tested out the spacious front seat of an R350. I was thinking family car — safety, beauty, resale value. Intellect and emotion.” That is a direct quote from the book.

Alex is staking out a house: As the Papa John's delivery boy got out of the car with a piping hot pie... Not verbatim, but that was the gist. Funnier still, it's in NY. As if anyone in NY would order fucking Papa John's.

Alex is waiting in the car: this Dunkin' Donuts coffee is really hitting the spot.

Alex is hungry: He loves Au Bon Pain pastries, but not what it does to his waist!

Character in book: My wife and kids are just crazy for the Sirius Satellite Radio!

This is bullshit. Who told me that by reading a fictional story, I would be assaulted with ads? Complete and total crap. I hate it in movies, but this is worse.

As much as I thought James Patterson was "ok" before, I think he sucks balls now. For authors to sink to this really blows my mind.

End rant.