Fuh-King Cah-RAY-Zee
One of the things I'm doing during this IVF process is keeping a journal of the whole experience. Writing things out by hand in a bound book has always given me a better outlet for personal issues than blogging. Also, I want to have something to have to look back on when I have kids. I'm really going to need the journal.
I started the first of my injectable drugs, Lupron, this week. I get all the side effects. Nausea, headaches, extremely tender breasts (to the point I'm not really leaving the house because I can't put a bra on), but worst of all: Craziness, rage, anger, sadness, moodiness, punchiness, orneryness, and of course, crying jaginess.
So far in the past 24 hours, I have either burst into tears or come painfully close to it from the following:
1. The woman in front of me at Central Market who was about 7 month pregnant and smiling like a fucking loon.
2. The Anne Geddes picture on the front of this lady's calendar book who was sitting next to me at my IVF orientation last night.
3. When the embryologist said we have a 14% chance of miscarrying our pregnancy if you're under 35 and much more if you're over. Granted I was in a room of 13 couples, half of whom are on the same hormones as me so I wasn't alone in my hysteria.
4. When the guy in front of me asked where my husband was (he's on a business trip, btw.)
5. When the lady at Ann Taylor couldn't find the shirt I wanted in my size. It said there were 2 in the store in the computer, but she couldn't find it.
6. When I made a poppy bagel this morning and realized after it was toasted that I wanted a garlic bagel.
7. When I realized that I bought tickets to see To Kill a Mockingbird tomorrow for the AFI Tribute to Gregory Peck at the Dallas Film Festival and I have therapy at that time so I can't go. I need the therapy.
8. When M told me that we couldn't afford a landscaper every week.
So this will last until I'm through with the hormones. We're thinking till April 8th. Yay.