Layla's Dark and Foreboding Weblog

As August comes to an end and summer starts to fade, I don't feel the dread that I did as a child, knowing that my days of play were soon coming to an end. Now, living in the great state of Texas I look forward to autumn with a yearning desire. It means no more 100 degree days, electric bills under $300, decreased sweat production, etc.

This August was one of learning, too. I've made some sad realizations about my own family (again), mostly the realization that some people have completely irrational and malicious ways of dealing with things that they can't control. I've celebrated another birthday, my 32nd. I welcomed my younger brother to his new home in Dallas. I became pregnant.

Yessiree, folks. I am pregnant. We're due in the spring. M and I are completely and totally excited, simply over the moon with the news. It's been a long road, a hard road, but once we got the news "You're going to be a Mommy" from our doctor, the fear and pain of the shots, testicular biopsy, and uncertainly of IVF melted away. Granted, it was quickly replaced with the fear - the crippling fear - of bringing this highly sought after and extremely expensive baby to term. Then my deep-seated fears of not being able to care for my child, having to be scared of M dropping the baby (he's clumsy, to a comical-but-frightening extent), of turning into my mother, of sneezing too hard and blasting this thing out of me...the list goes on.

But logic will prevail, and we are going to be fantastic parents. It's just scary. Really, really scary.

On a side note, tomorrow will be 5 years since P died.

Another side note, after this entry, I will no longer send out notices of updates. You'll have to check back for updates.