Are you ready?
The question of the day. Or the week. Am I ready? Tricky question.
Yes, I'm ready in the sense that I have everything in order. I have a nursery, stroller, boobs, clothes, midwife, doula. I've nested more than I thought I could. I've paid off every credit card. I refinanced our home down to an awesome rate. I sold my little Honda. I remodeled 2 rooms in my house and did an overhaul of my yard. Does that mean I'm ready?
Well, I'm not. I'm scared. I'm scared of labor and delivery. I know that I'm in for a world of pain. I also know that I chose to have an intervention-free delivery because I did an enormous amount of research. I know that this drug-free route is what I want. I know that shit happens, and anything could derail my plans. That's all ok. But I'm still afraid of it. But beyond that, I'm actually really reluctant to release my little girl to the world.
This time has been so awesome. I love her and me. Me and her. I love the bond that I alone share with her. I love our moments together and the fact that I can spend hours with her and never get bored or lonely. I love every kick, push, gesture that she gives me. Even the ones that hurt. I am sad to see these go. I know I will love her more every day I know her, but this little time together has been so amazing.
M says that I've been pregnant forever. Now, though, it's coming to a close. Didn't we just get our positive like a week ago? I can go "any day" they say. I'm dilated. I'm effaced. I'm 6 days from my original due date. She's big and ready. As am I. Or, as ready as I'll ever be.
Coming soon: Pictures of my awesome new hybrid car and some food porn courtesy of my gourmet husband.
Comments
It struck me as I read the blog that "dark and foreboding" it is no longer. I know L and that she will soon be ranting again about everything in the world that now concerns her as a new parent ... but it will never be quite as dark/foreboding again.
Posted by: James | April 21, 2008 01:09 PM
Three things.
1. Go Team Baby!
2. I have found that screaming really truly can get pain out of the body.
3. If you want to do it drug-free, then you can. But please know nobody will think any less of you (and you shouldn't of yourself) if you change your mind in the middle.
Posted by: Green | April 21, 2008 06:48 PM