Layla's Dark and Foreboding Weblog

Do you love Jesus? Do you really love Jesus? Do you think that the only way to heaven is through Jesus? Do you think that George W. Bush and Jesus are pals? Do you think that your metal fish on your truck represents the lord and savior, known as Jesus? Do you think that you're really clever to put your "Support the Troops" magnet on your car sideways, so it resembles the fish it sits next to? Is your boss a Jewish Carpenter (how clever)?

Well, then you, my good friend, are the guy in front of me in traffic. No, you're not like the other Texans with Calvin pissing on the Ford/Chevy/Dodge logo, oh no. You're better than that. You've got your little Calvin (have you ever even read Calvin & Hobbes?) kneeling down to pray to your decal cross. You're a good Christian. Your bumper stickers are a salute to your messiah. As is your gas-guzzling SUV, which gently aids in milking the precious fossil fuels from God's green (soon to be brown) earth.

I am just stunned at times by the complete and total lack of thought that these people are guilty of. How people can say such mean and hateful things, or be guilty of such irresponsible actions with not even a second thought, just boggles my mind sometimes. To say "Support our Troops" and still drive an SUV is just fucking amazing to me. I know I've said this before, but bear with me here. You're pissed that us liberal commie pinko swine are *not* supporting this war, for many reasons, but the biggest being that it's an oil-based issue. We, in turn, drive fuel efficient, hybrid, green vehicles (or don't drive at all), so we're less reliant on oil, therefore lessening the need for it and the war becomes pointless, thus ending it, and our troops get to come home. Yes, that's a "perfect world" idea, but you get the picture.

Rather, though, these people - and believe me, Texans aren't the only guilty ones. SF-ers, NY-ers alike are driving these 11 MPG trucks too - are driving the huge, monstrous SUV's with their Jesus fish and their "Support the Troops" magnets, completely oblivious to the huge hypocrisy that they are completely guilty of. Ok, let me spell it out for you:

You are driving a vehicle that not only pollutes the environment, but it is SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF THE EARTH! Yes, the earth. God's gift to you. THERE WILL BE NO MORE OIL IF WE LIVE THIS WAY FOR EVEN 50 MORE YEARS! Got it? Of course not, silly. There's too much propaganda in your ears. How about this:

The demand for oil in this country, and the rate we use it is directly responsible for this:
1,458 Coalition Troops (most US) Dead
100,000 Iraqi Civilians Dead
10,000 US Troops Wounded (Many with lost limbs)
$155,891,961,000 spent by the US so far in this war (That amount of money would have FULLY funded anti-hunger efforts in the world for 6 years. Or, we could have given EVERY SINGLE CHILD on EARTH basic immunizations for 51 years. Or, we could have sent 7,557, 309 students to college for four years.)

So there you have it. Convinced? Of course not. You're American, as am I. We don't understand these numbers, these horrifying figures. We don't see why our Cadillac Escalade with its 9 MPG is wrong. We say things like "Support the Troops", but we say it from our 2 tons of metal. We laugh about how polluted L.A. or Houston is, but we still drive 2 blocks to the video store.

It's time for everyone to take responsibility for our world. Time to really support these kids over there. Stop speaking if you don't know what you're saying. Educate yourself, your loved ones. Know your role. It's a pretty big one.

Posted by layla at 09:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

The Pope. He blows. Sucks it. He's a stupid, ignorant moron. And have you seen the choices in head wear? Fucking prick.

So what did this asshole do? He said that gay marriage is EVIL. Evil! Ok, now, may I have a different view on evil than some people, and, yes, my views may be a little biased when it comes to gay people, but really now. How about this: let me put together a little list of people who I consider truly "evil", and you tell me if Marcus & Steve, the boy toys who wait tables at Catch fits this description:

1- Aldolf Hitler. Yeah, he's a gimme.
2- John Wayne Gacy. The guy who dressed up as a clown and murdered little boys and buried them in his basement.
3- Idi Aman. "The Butcher of East Africa". Ok, he's called "The Butcher". Anyone with that title (except of course, you're local meat man) is automatically evil.
4- Julius Caesar. The guy boiled his mother, even if he is the namesake of a truly delicious salad. Or was that Caligula? Or Augustus? Either way, the Caesars were FUCKED.
5- Pol Pot. He was the one who ordered the slaughter of Cambodians during the 80's.
6- Osama bin Laden. Everyone's favorite guy to hate. Evil!
7- Dick Cheney. Now, I won't say that he's as evil as Hitler or Idi Aman, but that's merely because he hasn't done those things that blatantly. His daughter, however, is apparently evil.
8- Bob Melvin. My ex-boyfriend. He's pretty evil (killed cats in childhood=evil).
9- Vlad Tepes. Also known as "Vlad the Impaler", responsible for the deaths of over 20,000 people in Romania. Oh, and wanna know why he's even more evil? He's the basis for Dracula, the MOST evil.
10- H. H. Holmes. He built a hundred-room mansion complete with gas chambers, trap doors, acid vats, lime pits, fake walls and secret entrances. During the 1893 World's Fair he rented rooms to visitors. He then killed most of his lodgers and continued his insurance fraud scheme. He also lured women to his "torture castle" with the promise of marriage. Instead, he would force them to sign over their savings, then throw them down an elevator shaft and gas them to death. In the basement of the castle he dismembered and skinned his prey and experimented with their corpses. He killed over 200 people. (Thanks to The Scales of Good & Evil for the evil info)

So, for the Pope to say that gay people marrying is "evil" may be reaching just a bit. "Immoral" may have been a better choice for the guy to use if he's really that against it. Or, how about "I may not like it, but at least they're not fondling young alter boys with threats of eternal damnation, right?"

Idiot.

Posted by layla at 02:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It's lovely to wake up in the morning, have my coffee, eat my protein filled breakfast of egg whites and whole wheat toast (i'm one healthy mutha), get in the car, start my drive, and be completely thrown by psychotic billboards, such as the one above.

Here in Texas, the obscure right wing media wants to make sure that the Halliburton scumbags aren't the only ones profiting from the reign of terror that the schmucks in DC have started. It's been a while since I've touched upon the morons in Washington. No need. I think we're all in cahoots here, no? I mean, shit, I live in Dallas, and I still see Kerry stickers everywhere, Stop Bush stickers, War is Not The Answer stickers. No one is happy. And yet, doesn't it seem like no one really talks about the war anymore? As if it were a topic for election only?

Well, check out this blog, Riverbend, done by a 24 year old woman in Iraq. It will give you an idea of how it is to live in a country torn apart by cowboys like the fuck face in D.C. Hopefully, it will put some things into perspective. Things are *not* ok.

On that note, I'm going to segue into another problem I've been having. Anger. Where is it? I mean, I'm really having a hard time getting riled up about things if I'm sober. What's up with that? Is it that now that I'm all happy in love that I've lost my edge? Puhleese. How fucking annoying is that? I mean, I still make fun of people, and hate many, many things. "Why you gotta be drinkin' the Hate-o-rade?" says M, just to piss me off. But, as far as everything else, I'm kinda finding myself a little more, I don't know, tolerant? How lame.

And in closing, I have to say I'm full of the love today. My sweetie is coming home. I've been relegated to lame activities like knitting to pass the time while I pine for the man I love. I'm bordering on psychotic. I need a new hobby. I thought that the wedding would take up most of my time, but since I hired a wedding planner, I'm plum outta shit to do. Here, get mad at this:

What. The. Fuck.

Posted by layla at 03:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I hate football. I don't understand it. And not understanding something makes me hate it, just like a good American should.

M loves football. Thankfully, not in the "must watch all day sunday" way though. He will, however, watch the Super Bowl, the Dallas Cowboys, and any game that's put in front of him, probably. He just won't seek it out. Thank god.

Unfortunately, I'm forced to watch football for one day a year, along with most people in this country. In years past it's been watchable because a) my dad has a super bowl party with the best food ever and b) I got to see Janet Jacksons boob, and she's hot. Anyway, yesterday I had to go meet M and his parents at the building where they work because there was a show (they're in the fashion biz), and after the show was a party where the food and booze were free. Yesterday being my "cheat day" in my fitness schedule, I was all over it. Clam Chowder, wings and Crab Dip for the Pats fans, Philly Cheese Steaks for the fans of the other team (Eagles?). I'm wordly. I eat for both teams. Actually, the wings sucked there, so M and I in our drunken logic went out for wings after halftime.

M actually bet $10 for me and another $10 for him. He picked for me 7x7, which I know nothing about. Apparently it means that if the score is tied 7-7 at halftime, I win $250. And it was. Yay me.

I rule. And so does football. Until this money is gone, of course. Then football, again, will suck.

In other news, I've lost another pound. My jeans didn't fight me this morning out of the dryer and went on like a glove. And M keeps saying that I'm losing inches and when I flex for him, he says things like "Damn baby! Look at them guns!" (though he *may* be talking about my boobs) or "Holy shit! You are HOT!" He rules. He also commented that when I said "As soon as I get engaged, I'll get into shape" he had no idea that I was actually serious. My trainer is using me on his website as a testimonial. I think that hysterical. I told him we can do before and after pictures after I lose all the weight. Ha!

Posted by layla at 10:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'm going to try to make sure this blog doesn't become my wedding or weight loss outlet, but I make no promises.

Let's start off with this little tidbit: Since beginning boot camp, I've lost five pounds. That means I only have 45 more to go before I reach my ideal weight, and only 15 more to go until I win the "Who can lose 20 lbs. faster" bet that my brother J and I made in July. I know I'm going to win for a variety of reasons. The main reason is that my brother has little to no comprehension of numbers. Speed, weight, and money are all completely intertwined in his life, yet he can't understand them.

Example:

5:15pm on the corner of Market & Kearny. He's got to be at his wife’s work by 5:30. It's a Friday. It's the last Friday of the month (to you non-SFers, this means critical mass, a phenomenon of bicycles that take over Market Street to protest the evil of automobiles on Market Street- don't ask). J will then say to me "I'll bet you $20 we'll be at S's work in 15 minutes." I'll say "No fucking way. Fell is closed, Gough has construction, and you just ate a spicy burrito. You'll never do it. 25 minutes at LEAST!"

"You're on."

We pull up to S's work at 5:46 to him cursing the world, and inevitably welching on the bet. At one point in the late 90's, he owed me $80 in outstanding bet money, all purely "we'll get there in 7 minute" ones, too. He never paid, and I swore to never bet him again. That and P and S both forbade us.

Anyway, 5 lbs. lighter, I'm feeling rather good about this hell I go through 3 times a week. I have an annoying amount of energy, I'm sleeping better, and the most important thing, I'm excited about getting healthy, thanks to purging the White Devil out of my life, namely anything with bleached flour or refined sugars. Or hydrogenated anything. Or high fructose corn syrup. Or booze. And don't eat after 8pm EVER.

It's tough, let me tell you. The booze is the hardest by far. M and I have cut our alcohol consumption to 2 nights a week, down from 6 or 7. And when I say we've cut, I mean we've promised to cut. We're at a healthy 3 nights right now. But, 2 of those nights we'll only have 1 glass. And when I say glass, I mean bottle. Let's just say we're trying.

But the thing is, I eat 5 or 6 meals a day now. I thought it would be hard to eat that many times a day, but then I remembered that I love food, and didn't get fat by not eating a lot. Now I can still eat the same amount, just split it up to a bunch of times. Lots of proteins, tons of veggies, carbs, oils, I can have it all. Just cut back on the white devils, and we're good. Once my knee heals up, things will be peachy!

I have been fantasizing about looking all buff at the wedding. Wearing a dress that needed no alterations. People saying "Holy shit. Did you have surgery?" Me say, "Oh no. It’s au natural, baby." We'll see. I did house a small gelato last night after dinner. My trainer says we're allowed 3 cheat meals a week (kinda like Body for Life, I guess) and I have been good for a week and a half dammit!

Other than that, the plans are coming along nicely. We're ordering our "save the date" cards to remind our guests that paradise awaits this fall. Our wedding parties are all set. The only thing left is securing the rooms and hoping that the planner doesn't fuck anything up. And now we wait. And watch that fat mellllllllllt off.

Posted by layla at 08:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)