Layla's Dark and Foreboding Weblog

There are actually two things that I'd like to touch on today. Both are very different subjects, but share some similar properties. Or, I should say, one similar property. God.

First, I have to talk about Terri Schiavo. It really kills me to see that the Christian right is using this poor shell of a woman as their soapbox here. If she were 80 years old, people wouldn't give a crap about removing her feeding tube. All of a sudden when someone utters those words "she has a RIGHT TO LIFE", you have every lunatic lifer running to her aid. Her doctors say there is nothing that can be done. Now, I'm hearing from these fringe crackpots that Michael Schiavo only wants to end her suffering because he really strangled her, so he's afraid she's going to wake up and finger him as her would-be-murderer. For the record, folks: Terri Schiavo had an eating disorder. Said disorder left her with a potassium deficiency, which caused her heart attack at 26 years old. She collapsed in her kitchen in 1990. She hasn't woken up since.

It's not easy to "pull the plug" on someone you love. I've done it. I had to give the go-ahead to remove my 30 year old husband from life support. And, if left up to his mother, she'd be sitting next to him still, years later, just to say her baby boy was still alive. It's not right. There comes a time when quality of the patient’s life HAS to come before the families. It's likely at this point that once Terri dies, her parents will implode. They have done nothing but this for 15 years. But, Schiavo's parents are using their daughter to fight their battle for something completely different. The fact is, her husband has every right to end his wife’s suffering. And, 15 years later, he has every right to start a new family. And how dare the Bush family step in on behalf of the parents. How dare they say "God wants her to live" when God clearly chose her to die. Science keeps her alive. Not God. To use God's name for your own benefit by saying something like "God chose my daughter to not die naturally from her affliction, but rather to be fed by a piece of plastic tubing in her stomach with us mopping up her drool" or "God told me I need to go to war" or "God doesn't like pre-marital sex, but if you do it, don't use unholy birth control so you can have an unholy abortion..." It's such crap.

This brings me to my next topic and a favorite for most, abstinence. It seems that the idea of waiting until marriage to pop your cherry is hot, but waiting to pop your chocolate is not.

Turns out that legions of adolescent kids who are part of the "Wait" trend that's sweeping our bible-thumping nation are partaking in "risky" sexual activities, such as anal sex, oral sex and heavy petting. Justifying their actions as "not real sex", kids are taking risks with these activities by being ill-prepared for some of the by-products of these fun, yet still risky activities. Since our illustrious leader has blessed our kids with ignorance not seen since McCarthyism, it seems that kids don't know that you can get STD's, including HIV, HPV, Herpes, The Clap, Crabs, and Syphilis, by engaging in oral and anal sex without a condom. Yes kids, it's true. While logic seems to fail most anyone who would believe this gibberish about abstinence to begin with, wouldn't you put two and two together: Gay men get STD's. Gay men have penises. Gay men don't have vaginas. Therefore, you must be able to get STD's without opposing sex organs. Right? George?

Posted by layla at 12:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

John Stamos, the former husband to the hottie Rebecca Romijin, is, as they say, "fucked".

The actor was asked by Jane magazine, “What’s the worst you ever screwed someone over?” He answered: “[In the mid- ’80s] I was in a band. I was playing somewhere in Finland, and there was a girl hanging around who was really drunk and interested in me. I wasn’t into her, but my friend was.

So the girl came back to my hotel, and I turned the lights down, and we started making out. I said, ‘Hold on a second, I’ve gotta go brush my teeth.’ It was dark, I left the room, and I sent in my friend who looked like me. And she thought she was having sex with me, but she was really having sex with my friend.”

That, my friend, is rape.

But ABC producers seem to think it's funny, and plan to use it in a storyline of the upcoming crapfest "Jake in Progress". How about renaming the show "Career in Shambles...Again".

Posted by layla at 01:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The last time I remember loving weddings and going to weddings I was probably 10 years old. Since then, weddings are nothing more than money and time sucking egomaniacal self-humping tulle wrapped piles of crap. Yes, they're nice and pretty, but they pretty much are all the same thing, with your choice of chicken, fish or beef. A notable exception: my brother J's wedding.

So why is it that everyone this side of the Nile think that they're going to be invited to our wedding? Like, actual people saying "I can't wait to go to your wedding in Mexico!". Hello? Don't people realize that "wedding in Mexico" may mean small and intimate? We're being bullied into inviting people. And, also, my husband-to-be is a big softie (not in that way, you perv) and feels guilty that he hasn't invited certain people on a daily basis. Thankfully, I got extra save-the-date cards just for times like these.

And when we say things to head them off like, "Yes, M and I have decided that rather than throw an extravagant wedding in Dallas, we've decided to have a small affair in Mexico and may even have a cocktail party when we get back for those who we weren't able to include." I'm met with "I can't wait! I need a vacation!" or the other night when someone we didn't want to invite, but have been encouraged to invite (so we caved) said "I can't wait for the wedding in Mexico! How about you, woman-standing-next-to-us-who-M-&-Layla-have-met-once? I bet you can't wait to go to Mexico too! What you're not invited? M? Layla? Are you inviting her? The woman who is listening to this entire conversation? Oh, I'm sure you'll be invited woman-standing-next-to-us-who-M-&-Layla-have-met-once. Right M & Layla? She can bunk in with me!" Something to that effect.

When M and I started thinking about having it in Mexico, we were in NY at my cousins wedding (a lovely event, btw), and I thought we should bounce the idea off of family there. We said that we were thinking Mexico, and we may even do something like rent a whole hotel and split the costs among the guests, costing about $60-80 a person. Well, that idea came and went, mostly because we would have had to pay for the whole thing up front. So we find a place that's $175 a night per couple. And people are bitching! "I thought you said $80! But $175! Oh my god!" Well, yes, brainiac. Per person. That means you and your wife would pay $160 for the night. This is $15 more. Cry me a river. Find a cheaper hotel. Stay home. Either way, we're getting married in Mexico, staying in a kick ass hotel, getting drunk every day by noon and humping like non-married people.

Don't get me wrong, I want everyone we invite to come. I love my family and friends, and I love M's family and friends. This is going to be great. We've invited 159 of our very closest friends. 159. The more the merrier right? The good news is that the guys in the bridal party have all been taken care of as far as the clothes go. They’re gonna look f’in hot. The chicks I haven’t even started on yet, and until I drop another 30 pounds, I’m not even looking for something for me to wear. Also, we’ve already started to receive gifts off of our registry, which rules. I know for all the stress this is giving us, once we’re there, in Cabo, things will be fantastic, relaxing and perfect. We’ll be married. We’ll have the party of our lives. We’ll be surrounded by the people we love and who love us. I. Can’t. Wait.

Posted by layla at 08:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)