98557.
On Craigslist, I have a few friends that I share a huge part of my life with. I call them friends, because, well, they know more about me that most people do. I've met a few of them in real life (IRL), and really admire quite a few of them for their insane smarty-ness, humor, insight and priceless advice. I'm not really talking about the main women's forum, but another forum that's not listed with the others, that most of us know each other pretty well, and it's only open to women, or those who identify as women.
Which brings me to a lovely poster that has been posting for a while, 98557. The handle she used is gender neutral, because when she started, she didn't know how she was going to be accepted. She started off by letting us know right away that she was a non-passable male to female transgendered. She opened herself up to any questions anyone ever had about transgendered people but were afraid to ask. She was also dying of esophageal cancer and a host of other ailments. She was poor, and without family and without someone to love her the way she wanted. About 10 years ago, her son sought her out, to find that his "father" was now living as a man, but wanted so desperately to be a woman. They wound up building a relationship that was such a source of pride to 9. She loved him with all of her heart.
9 had insights into things that you would never expect. Everything was so well thought out, so caring and deep. We learned as time went by that she was in excruitiating pain *every day* of her life. I can't really convey the connection that she made with so many people properly here. Most people who read this don't really have a whole lot of experience with transgendered people, and that's ok. She was just so happy that she was accepted in our little place as a woman, 100%.
Last week, 9 took her own life, as a way to end the physical suffering that she was going through. She wanted to die on her terms, no one else’s. She said goodbye to us, and that was it. For days we wondered if it happened, what happens if no one finds her, etc. Her son got in touch with us and let us know that she passed on last week. Her pain was gone. She kept a journal online, and wrote her own obituary, so I thought I'd post it here with a little background, since it probably won't be in any papers.
Dear Diary,
If any readers are bothered by this graphic (and possibly morbid) content, please stop reading.
My obituary:
'I', born January 1954, died January 2006.
Survived by son, 'X', a CA policeman; daughter, 'Y', who resides in Oxnard, CA; and daughter 'Z' of Tucson, AZ.
'He' served in the Marine Corps 1972-1978, attaining the rank of Sergeant. He then worked for Litton GC&S from 1978-1987. In July 1986, his second son 'W', age 6, died in Oxnard, CA, a pedestrian fatality. From 1987 through 2002, 'I' worked in the US Postal Service as an Electronic Technician.
Starting in 1974, he suffered increasing health problems. In 2002, he became too disabled to continue working. The medical profession, despite sincere attempts, was unable to arrive at a satisfactory explanation of all symptoms. In January 2006, after all financial assets and savings were depleted, and unable to obtain satisfactory pain relief, he committed suicide.
'He' was a union activist, an anti-child abuse advocate, an anti-domestic violence advocate and volunteer, as well as a LBGTQ advocate. In 2003, after twenty years of denial, the medical/psychological community recognized his assertion that he was, in fact, transgendered.
The author of this obituary is 'me', that is why what would be ordinarily considered "too personal" or "too embarrassing" to be included in an obituary is here. I have always considered that we as human beings communicate too little that is of real life significance!
I sincerely hope that my children and friends are not embarrassed by what I have disclosed publicly... I have always advocated telling the simple truth simply.
I die not in despair, but in hope.
If any feel I have injured them, I apologize. If any feel they have done me injury, I forgive.
Good-bye 9. Thanks for the advice, the wisdom and the insight you've given into a life that I couldn't imagine. You'll be missed.
