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March 24, 2006

Just When I Thought Texas was Doin' me Right...

Lately I've been thinking about starting a residency drive in Texas, to get a more balanced population in the Lone Star State. While Austin is one of the most laid back, liberal and artistic cities in the country, Dallas still has a ways to go. I've talked in the past about Dallas proper being about 50/50, but I'm not sure that's what is going to put the state on a new track.

We're still the state that executes the most people, regardless (or, in the case of our illustrious leader, irregardless) of the mental capacity of the felon, we're running our schools on federal funding which means abstinence only education (which of course means more teen pregnancy), and now we've decided to shoot fish in a barrel. Texas law enforcement has just started a campaign to arrest people for public intoxication on a broader scale. No, not a drunk frat boy stumbling through the train station or a brokenhearted Dallasite down in Deep Ellum singing "I Will Survive" at the top of her lungs (as if a Dallasite would step foot in Deep Ellum!). Oh no, that would be too hard. Now they're busting people for public drunkenness...in bars. Yes siree, TABC officers and police are going into bars and if you're looking on the wavier side of tipsy, it's off to the clink.

Will these arrests hold up in court? Unlikely. However, try explaining to your wife, mother, boss, or anyone else why you spent the evening in jail. What next? Public nudity charges in strip clubs? Oh heaven forbid! Or maybe we can start arresting DJ's at clubs for playing music loud enough to hear with a noise violation?

Under the guise of trying to protect the public by getting these people in jail before they can drive their cars, police arrested 30 people the other night for public intoxication. The kicker is, the place where the most arrests occurred was at a hotel, where the suspects were actually registered guests.

While all this was happening this week, Texas executed its sixth prisoner this year (it's only March). Our neighbor, Mississippi outlawed sex toys (TX has the same law on the books). The state, however, did keep its law allowing persons to purchase firearms at gun shows without a background check. So, we got that.

And, in an attempt to rid this state of its leaders - it's awful, awful leaders - Kinky Friedman, The Jewish Cowboy, is vying for a chance to run for governor. He may be a bit kooky, but any state that will have a law on the books that dildo’s are more threatening than firearms needs a little kick in the chones.

March 03, 2006

RIP, Friend.

Yesterday, my sweet pup Chester died.

I brought Chester home from the North Shore Animal League in April of 1994, as a little tiny runt. He grew into a huge dog, over 80 lbs., full of energy and unparalleled love. We had such a bond. Even after I left home, and Chester stayed with my mom, he was always my guy. When I'd come for a visit, he would cry and leap and go bonkers at the mere thought of hanging out with me. When my brother Adam and I would play patty cake, Chester would attack him for threatening me. When I would lie down to bed, or to read, Chester would snarl and attack anyone who came in my room, including the other dogs and cats. He was the eternal protector.

I saw Chester this past Christmas when I went to visit my mom in San Diego. Though he seemed healthy, I just had a feeling that this would be the last time I saw him. He would roll onto his back for me to pet his underbelly, once a jet black, now mostly grey. He would put his paw on my arm while I gave him those scratches that he lived for. I just knew. At 12 years old, he had already outlived most dogs his size. But he never let himself be burden. My mom told me that right up until the end, he would make the shaky, now perilous walk down the stairs and outside to go to the bathroom, not wanting to compromise his dignity by going in the house.

The vet came yesterday to my mothers house and ended his suffering. My poor boy. Now chasing balls and sniffing asses in that dog park in the sky.

Goodbye, Chester. You were a great pal.